The 6th Love Language: Intention

When we think of love languages, most of us immediately recall the classic five: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. Each is a beautiful way of expressing love, yet for many of us, something crucial is often missing — the heart behind the action.

As I’ve reflected on my own experiences, I realised that for me, love is felt most deeply not through the action itself, but through the intention behind it. This insight has led me to propose a 6th love language: Intention.

What is the Love Language of Intention?

The love language of Intention is about meaning, thoughtfulness, and authenticity. It recognises that:

• A gift only matters if it reflects genuine care.

• Quality time is meaningful only when someone is fully present.

• Acts of service are powerful only when offered with love, not obligation.

In other words, for those who resonate with this love language, the intention behind an action carries more weight than the action itself.

Why Intention Matters

Intention is the invisible thread that weaves authenticity into love. It explains why:

• A simple text from someone who genuinely cares can feel like a treasure.

• A meticulously wrapped gift from someone distracted or indifferent can feel empty.

• Time spent together is meaningful only when it comes from a place of true presence.

Psychologists refer to this as perceived partner responsiveness — the sense that someone truly sees, hears, and understands you. When love is intentional, it communicates care, authenticity, and emotional safety.

How to Share This Love Language with Others

• If Intention is your primary love language, it’s important to communicate your needs in ways that others can understand and respond to:

• Begin to share your intention: When you do something for someone, explain why you did it and the thought behind it. For example, “I made this dinner for you because I know you’ve had a busy day, and I wanted to show you I care.”

• Use examples: Say things like, “When you spend time with me without distractions, I feel loved,” or “It means a lot when I can see your heart behind what you do for me.”

• Encourage reciprocity: Help them see that intentional love is about quality, not quantity — the thought and care behind their actions matters most.

• Celebrate meaningful gestures: Express appreciation when someone shows intentionality. This reinforces the behaviour and encourages genuine love in action.

• Be patient: Some people may naturally express love differently. Intentionality is a skill they can develop if guided with understanding and encouragement.

  
  

Scriptural Foundations for Intentional Love

The love language of Intention is beautifully reflected in scripture:

1. Colossians 3:23 – “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.”

   • Love is most powerful when actions are done wholeheartedly, with purpose and sincerity.

2. 1 Corinthians 13:3 – “If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.”

   • The value of actions is inseparable from the love and intention behind them.

3. Proverbs 16:3 – “Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.”

   
   

   Intention aligns our actions with meaning and purpose, making them fruitful and lasting.

   
   

How to Cultivate Intentional Love

Intentional love doesn’t always come naturally — it’s something we can practice and grow in our daily lives. Here are some ways to cultivate it:

• Pause before acting: Ask yourself, “Why am I doing this? Is it with love or obligation?”

• Pray for guidance: Invite God to help your actions reflect care and thoughtfulness.

• Follow biblical examples: Think of Ruth’s loyalty to Naomi (Ruth 1:16-17). Every act she performed — from gathering grain to staying by Naomi’s side — was intentional, motivated by love and faithfulness.

• Notice the small details: A kind word, a thoughtful gesture, or simply being present can all be intentional acts if done with purpose.

Over time, these practices help your love feel authentic, meaningful, and deeply felt by others.

What It Really Means to Act with Intention

Acting with intention means slowing down long enough to think about what you are trying to communicate through your actions. It’s not about doing something big — it’s about doing something meaningful. It says, “I see you. I’m paying attention. You matter to me.”

Here’s what intentional love looks like in practice:

1. You pay attention to who they are

You notice patterns, preferences, needs, and small details that others might overlook:

• “I saved you the last piece because I know it’s your favourite.”

• “I called to check in because I could tell you were quieter than usual today.”

• “I remembered you have a long week, so I planned something restful for us.”

This communicates:“I see you, and I care enough to remember.”

2. You respond to what they need — not what’s convenient for you

Intentionality requires awareness:

• If they’re overwhelmed, you lighten the load.

• If they’re discouraged, you offer affirmation.

• If they’re stressed, you create calm rather than adding pressure.

This says:“Your wellbeing matters to me, and I want to show up for you in a way that helps.”

3. You think about your ‘why’ before you act

Intentional love pauses long enough to ask:

• “What am I hoping they will feel from this?”

• “What message am I sending through this action?”

• “Is this coming from love or habit?”

Examples:

• Instead of a generic text: “Good morning,”an intentional version might be:“Good morning — I hope your presentation goes well today. I know how hard you worked on it.”

• Instead of grabbing any random snack,you think: “What would make them feel considered?”

This shows:“I’m thinking about you, not just checking a box.”

4. You explain your intentions openly

This is especially powerful for people whose love language is intention:

• “I wrote this note because I wanted you to have something uplifting before your appointment.”

• “I bought this because it reminded me of you.”

• “I planned this because I wanted us to reconnect.”

When you share the heart behind the action, it becomes richer, deeper, and more nourishing.

5. You show emotional presence

Intentional love is slow, mindful love.It’s being with someone, not just near them.It’s listening, not just hearing.It’s caring, not just doing.

This communicates:“Your inner world matters to me.”

A Prayer for Intentional Love

Lord, help me to love with intention — to not only act but to act with thoughtfulness, purpose, and sincerity.Teach me to see the heart behind others’ actions, and to respond with grace and understanding.May my words, my time, and my deeds reflect the love You have placed within me, so that those around me feel truly seen, cherished, and valued.Amen.